“No matter how hard I try, I allow myself, at times, to let the opinions and feelings of others, stop me from moving forward”
How many times have we second guessed ourselves into doing something other than what we really want to do , because we are afraid of what people will say about us, what they will think of us, or how they will react?
Why are we so afraid of being judged?
Why do we give others so much power over us?
To be honest, this is a toughie for me too. I can definitely identify with this topic. Choosing to say yes to me and no to them, instead of the other way around, because let’s face it, that’s basically what we are doing, is one that requires us to be fully present and confident in our thought process.
So what’s stopping us?
We become CONFINED and CONDITIONED by other people’s judgements, and take a backseat to living the life we want for ourselves. From there, we move into those dysfunctional habits we create for ourselves, purely as coping mechanisms, believing this is how our life should be, and we grow accustomed therefore to these habits, because they become rituals, and the good ole Critter Brain does what it does best, by keeping us grounded through fear. (Read my previous blog, “You’re a hard habit to break…why?” for clarification on Critter Brain)
Ahhh…. here we go again… that forbidden cycle… the hamster wheel of our lives. (This is where you roll your eyes in annoying knowledge…. yup, I know.)
Enter DISCERNMENT…. Hello Discernment!! Nice to finally see ya.
Why do you not show up ‘in the moment’?
Why do we have to go through a box of Kleenex, a few dates with comfort foods, and lots of sleepless nights, to be able to know you’re there?
Okay okay, I know I’m making Discernment appear tangible, forgive me for trying to emphasize a point…(naughty chuckle).
In truth however, you cannot have one without the other, ‘Judgement vs Discernment’, one of them though requires more from you, the individual, a little bit of soul searching you can call it. In my opinion, to exercise Discernment requires you to have some sort of moral compass or guide. Some may say it’s an act of virtue to be a discerning individual. We must also recognize and accept that we cannot control other people’s thoughts, emotions and decisions, and that they’re responsible for their own lives, so that leaves one realization, that the only life we can control, is OURS! (Huge point here, go back and reread!)
So, Let it go already! Shift your focus back to YOU.
I know this letting go thing isn’t easy. I can give testimony to spending many years letting other people’s opinions control my behavior and actions. Each time, I would bury myself into an existence that wasn’t mine. It all came to a crashing halt for me when I was going through my divorce…. so much so I couldn’t even say the word ‘divorce’ out loud at the time. And so I had to do some work, …I had to take a good, long hard look at myself. I had to get uncomfortable to feel comfortable again. As difficult as it was, I had to make some necessary shifts in order to create that good ole come back story, we often see in the movies.
- I sought professional counseling, so insightful and reassuring, I highly recommend it…but you may have to go through a few to find your best match.
- I was guided to a Catholic-based 12step group for those suffering with dysfunctional co-dependent behaviors and oh my gosh, those sessions were the hardest for me! My initial reaction was to find the nearest exit and don’t look back…lol, I mean it required a year long commitment of weekly group sessions, opening up and admitting my faults to strangers…face to face…EEK! The one on one therapy with the professional was good…it was safe. The group thing was a whole other level of discomfort on my scale, but I am able now to understand the ‘why beneath the why’ it pushed and forced me into shedding more of myself, exposing and opening me up to the very thing that crippled me in the past…other people’s judgements.
- I leaned heavily also on my faith, trusting that GOD had my back and that I was not alone. I used prayer, meditation and my yoga teaching practice too, as a way to reconnect, and return that balance and harmony, peace and joy into my life.
How then, do we free ourselves from, and know the difference between a judging behavior and a discerning behavior?
I believe the answer lies within awareness and alignment, a return to that taking control of you. Open yourself to a deeper awareness of who you are, trust your emotions and do the work by aligning yourself to make the necessary changes to fulfill those promises and desires you have for yourself. We all need to and should take more active roles in making those two bonds of awareness and alignment cohesive. This is the key to being fully present and having the confidence to trust the process, by taking that retreat within yourself, you will then be able to exercise discerning judgement with your new tool…. Discrimination! Powerful!
Perfection is overrated!
That’s the mantra written on one of my workout tees, and it’s the one I get more thumbs up from those around me, than any other. And I think it’s because we can all relate to it and resonate with it.
If you take away anything from this blog …. take this… it’s a writer-downer for sure.
Pause for a moment and Inhale deeply as you read…
My journey is just that, MY JOURNEY, … I will allow myself to make my own mistakes, I will allow myself to overcome my own obstacles, I will embrace each and every experience, making sure to learn and grow from each one, finding the courage to do what is necessary. I will allow myself to be FREE of what others think of me.
Exhale deeply now and smile…
Doesn’t that feel good? It’s called, OWNING YOUR POWER! YES!! YES!! YES!!
Having the courage to start this blog is part of my comeback story!
To all who supported me along the way, …my loving family, my 12step babes, my beautiful besties, my clients and teachers at Hatha Studio, Thank you for your part in my journey!
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself” Wayne Dyer
The Butterfly Effect Lifestyle 